Life Changing Moments.
As my 24th birthday approaches I can’t bare to imagine some people’s reality when they get the news we did 4 months ago. My birthday could have looked a lot different this year. One less person, One less smile, One less hug.
Many of my friends have seen the ugly side of cancer and what it can do to families but in the darkest of darks I can stand here today and continue to praise God for what he did in my family. Four months ago my Dad sat my siblings and I at a patio table at a restaurant and told us straight up he had cancer. We knew from that dinner on it was going to be a fight. I didn’t go to the internet I didn’t go to my friends I didn’t think of what if’s, I went straight to my bible. That was the worst night of my life, the worst news I’ve ever received. My Dad is my rock and our world turned upside down.
Four months later my Dad has finished treatment and begun his healing. Not everyone is as blessed as our family is through this process but thank you God for giving me a healthy fighting Dad and a Dad willing to let us in to help. We still wait for another two months to get his important scan, but we continue to speak and believe in his total healing and that God will continue to heal my Dad.
All this to say that I’m not a birthday person, I don’t like attention and I would rather serve people then have them take time out of their day to celebrate me. But this year I’m going to take in all the celebrations all the love and all the hugs because this birthday could have been a lot different. Two days before my birthday my Dad was able to get his chemo port out, and his feeding tube taken out. That to me is better than any present I could ever every receive any dinner I could go to… nothing compares to that step of healing from cancer. To have my Daddy back with no extra parts in him is something I will NEVER take for granted again. I haven’t always been the best daughter to my parents and sometimes it takes a crisis to see that. Fortunately I cleaned up my act before this but I definitely didn’t appreciate life and my loved ones like I do now. It’s a weird feeling. I bet if you ask anyone if they appreciate their friends and family they will confidently say yes, but if you ask the ones who’ve lost a family member or are battling disease there’s a different meaning behind their yes. I’ve walked the walk with many friends who have lost a family member and it sucks. It sucks to watch them in that state and it sucks to watch them after. Nothing can ever make that scar okay again. But the support means more then they can ever say. But being there side by side watching someone walk that walk HAS NOTHING on the gut wrenching-fall to you knees in the street feeling when that sick person is yours. My Dad. Nothing prepares you for that.. cliche? Yes… except I actually understand it now. I didn’t sleep for two nights and by the third when I finally did I was hoping to wake up and find out it was a night mare… cliche? Yes, except I actually understand it now. Nothing that you’ve been through in life can compare to another persons life unless you’ve walked that same walk. My Dad BEATING cancer (what you speak becomes reality) doesn’t make me understand what it’s like for the moms watching their babies battle cancer. Does it give me a glimmer? Sure. But I will never know that feeling. Standing by my Dad’s side while fighting this fight even on the worst days will never ever compare to my friend holding her mom as she took her last breathe.
There are just moments in life that really change who you are to the core. Do I love deeper now? Yes. Do I forgive easier? Yes. Do I understand that people are people? Yes. Nothing in life really matters except the people you love and the God you serve. When my Dad told us he was diagnosed with cancer the amount of money I had didn’t matter, a job didn’t matter, my schooling didn’t matter, who hated me or owed me money didn’t matter. My relationship with my God and the love for my close friends and family is all that mattered. And that is why I’m here today at 24 to let you know that my life before October 15, 2019 is different than mine now. And I will continue to celebrate each day because you just never know. Life is truly a blessing and until you figure that out you’ll life with regrets. My birthday this year is so much sweeter so much more cherish so much better than any birthday before because of the concept I have to live every moment to its fullest. Cheers to 24 and the life ahead of me full of love.
~This was written before the passing of the iconic Kobe, and his family is forever in our prayers. That is another example of why life is so precious and it shouldn’t take a celebration to appreciate life. And it shouldn’t take a tragedy for your loved ones to know you love them. His life is an inspiration to everyone.~
